The baby girl who would forever change my heart and my life

After the twins returned home, I told my caseworker that I needed a 6 week break before I took another placement so I could emotionally heal (I don’t think you ever actually emotionally heal from this). I had told him there are 2 exceptions in which I would take another placement during that 6 week timeframe; the twins came back into care or there was a baby that no other foster family could take and needed a home. During that same time, I had resigned from the job I was at and started a consulting business, so I had more flexibility for fostering.
My caseworker called 2 weeks after the twins left and said “since you quit your job does that mean you aren’t traveling this week”. I was supposed to be in Florida that week for work prior to resigning. I told him that I wasn’t traveling since I had quit my job and asked why. He told me there was a baby that had been born premature and was being discharged into foster care and they weren’t sure of what her medical needs were going to be, so they were looking for a stay-at-home mom. I reminded him that while I had lots of flexibility, I was not a stay-at-home mom and she would go to daycare the next morning. She ended up getting discharged a week later due to some medical issues.
I met Baby A for the first time on December 11th, 2018. I arrived at Children’s Hospital around 6 p.m. that evening. I spent 4 hours with her birth mom getting to know her and telling her about me and my life. Baby A was 2 ½ months old and just over 5 lbs. Her actual due date was 2 days prior to me picking her up, December 9th. I met Baby A 10 minutes before we left Children’s to get instructions on her care from the nurse. We left Children’s Hospital around 10 p.m. She was so light that I had to keep checking the carrier as we were leaving the hospital to make sure she was in there. I had built up quite the mom bicep arms from carrying the twins around so Baby A was super light! I couldn’t even use the infant car seat I had taken with me because she was too little. Children’s had to give me a special car seat. We got home around 10:30. Baby A was at daycare at 7 a.m. the next morning.
Baby A and I had a rough start. For the first month, I kept telling everyone that Baby A didn’t like me. Everyone thought I was crazy. I am sure I was crazy, but she did not like me. One evening, my friend Becky came over to visit and I was holding Baby A and she was really fussy which wasn’t unusual. Becky offered to hold her for a bit and as soon as Becky held her, she stopped crying. It finally hit me…I had put up a wall and she was super intuitive and could tell. I was willing to commit to giving her a safe environment, but I was not willing to give her my heart. That was still broken from the twins. I cancelled our weekend plans and we spent the weekend together bonding and our bond has just gotten stronger ever since.
She is one smart girl! We have had so much fun, so little sleep and amazing adventures. It is crazy when I look back at her pictures and see her now. I do not even remember her looking like she did when she was a baby. She has major FOMO (fear of missing out) and doesn’t like to sleep because of what she might miss. She LOVES to swim, be outside, her laugh is contagious and while I thought I would not love another baby as much as I loved the twins, Baby A proved me wrong. She has all my heart. She is a healthy 20-month-old now eating normal people food, drinking from a big girl cup, walking and running all over full steam ahead and thriving! I don’t know what our future holds, but my life will forever be changed by Baby A. I hope you enjoy hearing about Baby A as much as I love talking about her!
Note: The woman holding Baby A in this picture is my grandmother!

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